Nothing, everything

I'm in my room listening to trance/deep euro house, drinking wine and contemplating whether to have a koeksister or not (a South African sweet treat which is basically a doughnut covered with syrup). I think I might just have one. I am probably going to be very annoyed with myself tomorrow. No. I am probably going to stand in front of the mirror staring critically at my tummy five minutes after I eat it. "I am allowed to indulge", I tell myself. I have just broken up with who I thought to be the love of my life. It has been difficult. I feel like I am supposed to be learning something about life; how hard it is and that it goes on and all those dismissive thoughts. Instead, I am learning that I can break very easily. Or perhaps, I bend easily, like paper. But paper is also extremely resilient and its maleability and fragility can create the most incredible origami. What do I mean ? What am I saying ? I think I am trying to encourage myself. my fragility has been ten tim