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 my eyes are blank with quiet contemplation

i am unraveling

the cacoon of comfort crying beneath my feet

i begin again.

what is it about mirrors that are so distracting?

is it that we are forced to look at ourselves so clearly

so intimately

so deeply,

an act of forceful introspection

of violent denial

of silent acceptance

you are not what you thought you were

you are not who you think you are

you never were.

on a rainy afternoon, i tell my dad what i think about the rain

i tell him that i appreciate how the rain leaves the smell of renewal and revival

i think of how thunder storms cause damages and floods

i do not realise that these too are necessary for change

what if i could physically change anything about myself 

at any moment

last week, i would have changed my tummy

it would bulge less and shrink more and never make itself known

last year, i would have changed my hair

it would be straighter, less kinky, less loud, more manageable, more convenient

last month, i would have changed my mind

it would be devoid of any illness, and imbalance. i would not need medication

i would not need to retreat into myself everyday for solace or comfort or reassurance

it would be clean, functional, sane

today, i would look at my mind

i would look at how it creates, how it feeds my body

how it never forgets to remind me to breathe 

how it never forgets to remind me to rest

i would look at my hair

how its kinks and coils settle so serenely on my head

i would look at why i ever wanted it to lower its voice

why i ever needed it to be convenient

All written by me. I'm finally writing again and it feels really good!